reborn!

i can't believe that i have made entries for almost three years!!! a lot have changed and yet i was not able to update this blog. for that, i beg for forgiveness. i now promise to again write to you as frequent as i can. PROMISE!

burning passion...

burning passion...

every body has his desires lined up or listed somewhere in his heart-- waiting for that right time to spur up and be satisfied.

i know i do...

it is this desire that changes a person's point of view, decision, or understanding of things that surround him. it is this desire that either strengthen or weaken him. it is this desire that keeps him alive or worse-- that kills him.

gaining or losing something or somebody makes a person desire of the same.

for me, there's nothing really wrong in desiring, the problem lies on how to get them...

many have tried to claim things that do not belong to them. thinking that they deserve them more, they employ means to take them.

now i wonder, would taking things not belonging to you makes you the owner thereof? would such taking makes you deserving of the thing taken?

i have taken something that belongs to somebody else-- thievery!

well, a lot of things are taken away from me as well. would'nt that make things fair?

a thief! you can say that...

but before you judge me, i have something to say--

i long for something i never had. this longingness had been with me for quite a long time. this tops my list of desires. but then again, i never had it.

i wonder, can i consider this-- taken from me?

again, i never had it, but i believe-- no! i strongly believe that i deserve it! i want to have it, NOW! and yet i never had it.

i cannot steal it, cannot create it, cannot buy it. i cannot have it.

AND i wonder why.

how do you say goodbye?

Goodbye...

Farewell...

I will miss you...

it had always been difficult to bid someone a goodbye, especially when you know that it would be forever...

how do you do it? i hope i know...

it's probably one of the mysteries we ought not to discover,

there's no formula,

no written rule,

no preparations can be made...

it will be there, deal with it as it comes...

i have lost many people in this life. some of them were "taken" leaving me wondering a lot about the way i live my life but then realizing that i do not own this life. i merely borrowed it- on loan. due and demandable at anytime.

i hate deaths.

i can never be prepared. the mere thought of dying kills me...

i don't want to die yet, i can't...

no one could ever be ready. some do prepares- i want to think that they could only lessen the pain and make themselves more resilient on this tragic unfortunate event- but they can never be ready.

i wonder, how would peole remember me when i die? or would they?

sad...

i'm not a hero, nor i would want to be remember as such. but i want to be remembered once in a while by the people whom i've met while in this journey.

i want them to cry...

i want them to forgive...

i want them to love one another...

i don't want them in black, or even on white... i want them in sky blue... so that when they look up the sky (even though i'm not yet there) they would see my face- smiling. they would hear my laugh through the wind. they would feel my presence... then, they would just smile.

but i don't want to die yet, i can't...

(this is for all the people who are truly dear to my heart)

a greedy youth

as evil as the other six major sins, GREED slowly (but so surely) is getting its way with the young minds of today.

too much of fame, power and money. too high for an ambition and yet, way too easy to get.

this is my world, NOW.

scary as it may shock the conscience, people around me seem not to notice it (except the very few whom i've had a chance to discuss this issue)

honestly, i'm of the impression that they want to be GREEDY... sad.

GREED indeed could come in many forms, in different scenarios and from different people.

sadly, the greed i'm observing would be coming from the people who would desire a place in politics or in the judiciary (mostly because of their family names and connections) , or in the already corrupt bureaucracy. they will be the ones serving the people and providing them with legal needs, maintain and pursue fairness and equity, an instrument to provide justice for all who need them the most. but as i see it, the way they handle a much smaller challenge, they will fail. -they will fail that worse!

i do not control their minds niether have an influence in their hearts. and so, i hope and pray that they will be enlighten in the path they have chosen. let them realize the innate goodness of a person's heart so that the will change their ways and be better if not today, hopefuly in the future.

o happy days

friends

i never have thought that i could find people in this new environment whom i would definitely call as friends.

i really should not trust my first instinct on people, it usually fails me ;c

Today, and probably for the next 1.5 years, i would be friends with the same people i have not liked nor favored years back.

i admit, i was wrong.

so how does a hostile person suddenly be a foe? MAGIC! it must be magic for i would not know any answer.

but don't get me wrong, old friends stay! they are here in a special corner of my life, my heart, my soul, eagerly waiting to catch up whenever time or situation permits.

the change was indeed for the better, should have trusted You. should have understood and appreciated it earlier...

thank You.

getting there...

life turned out different and better than i expected, i'm happy now.

trudge...

a trudger...

i am a trudger myself, especially when i'm depressed, rejected, humiliated or whenever i want to have a deeper thought about something or analyze a part of my life...

a long and seemingly endless walk seems to solve a lot of problems and depressions that i encounter...

I suggest that you try it too…

PS. (this short entry is inspired by the topic and comment I posted with the site of David- www.coconuter.blogspot.com)